Fongy’s guide to Serbia
It’s been exactly one week now since I arrived back down under. There really is no place like home and, for the most part, it’s been great! I always seem to appreciate the little things we usually take for granted (clean water, clean streets, nice people, people who speak English etc) more.
Now, in somewhat of a sequel to my previous guide, how-to-Argentina, comes my new guide to the mysterious, crude and wonderful land of Serbia. Enjoy.
- ‘Srpski’ is the native dialect of Serbia
- It’s not quite the most poetic language going around as it doesn´t quite roll of the tongue or sooth the ears but when you realise that they’re not actually shouting or angry with you and that’s just how they talk you get used to it.
- A lot more people than you would think speak English, going out on a limb here, I would say that 85% of people under the age of 40 speak good English. The same amount speak good Russian funnily enough.
- Serbians, Croatians, Bosnians, Montenegroans? and to a much lesser extent Bulgarians, all understand each other even though they speak different dialects
- They can also spell words without vowels: trg, krv, grb (are all words)
- Ahahahahahhaahhahahahahaha… they’re a joke. There’s seriously something in the water. You would be seriously hard pressed to find a dozen ugly girls in an hour. (anyone who has been to Belgrade or Novi Sad would back me up on this one)
- Heels: going clubbing, going out for dinner, going shopping, going to the park, walking the dog, going to the corner store, going for a run, walking around the house.. they never come off!
- I was once told a joke reflecting Serbian women’s preferences in men: There was this guy who just bought himself the new BMW M3 and he went driving through the streets of Belgrade. As he stopped at his usual coffee shop he saw the hottest, sexiest, most stunning woman he had ever seen in his life. He thought ‘what the hell’ and decided to ask her out. A few days later after their second date, he said sadly: ‘I have something to confess’.. the stunning young woman put her hands to her mouth ‘oh no what is it?’.. ‘I have a wife and two kids’ he confessed.. with a great big laugh and a sigh of relief she replied ‘Oh thank god, I thought you were going to say the car isn’t yours!’
- Again honestly the average woman in Serbia is a solid 7 out of 10, if she’s a 6 then she’s probably not Serbian.
- I mean Djokovic truly is the son of Serbia. Everyone loves him. He has is own ridiculously pretentious tennis center in the heart of Belgrade: with his name and face on everything, from the walls right down to the cutlery.
- Fanatics: You know when you go to a sporting event and there are those crazy people at the back screaming, shouting and chanting, wearing red, blue and white with their faces painted.. that’s always them.
- Belgrade is renowned for having the best night life in the eastern block
- Cheap drinks, club boats on the river and ridonkulously hot girls.. can you have a bad night?
- If you go to Belgrade: Freestyler and Sounds are the two main(best) clubs on the Danube, also there are a few good clubs at ‘Ada’ which is near the river Sava in Belgrade close to the city.
People & Culture
- Serbia is a poor country, it’s not somewhere you go if you’re looking for 7 star hotels and relaxing beaches. The streets are dirty, the police are corrupt, i wouldn’t advise drinking the tap water and a lot of people have guns. But you should go there knowing that and realise it’s somewhere where you go to appreciate another culture, a different style of living and, as most people do, PARTY.
- The thing I love most about Serbia, is people’s attitude towards life. Everyone in Serbia lives for now, they earn $5 and spend $30. Nobody worries about mortgages, savings or even tomorrow.
- A lot of people are like ‘oh you went to Serbia are you ok?’, YESS! It’s really not as dangerous as everyone makes it out to be. You’ll only get shot if your being an idiot.
- The people are actually genuinely nice and almost always try to help you even when they don’t speak english
Did you know?
- The ongoing Croatia/Serbia dilemma is still very confusing but what I’ve gathered is, that Serbs don’t like Cro’s and Cro’s HATE Serbs. So try not to get in the middle and any Serb/Cro arguments.
- AUD $1 = DIN 99.7. ‘Dinar’ is the local currency and, just to give you an idea, a loaf of bread would cost you around 40 dinars.
- 500ml of Beer is 70 Din, 700ml of Beer is 60 Din and 1L of Beer is 50 Din… wait what?
- Like Argentina, and a lot of countries for that matter, tax on imported goods is quite high at around 70%. So mail it somewhere else!
- Serbia isn’t part of the EU and you don’t need a visa for Serbia
- NOVI SAD is the holy grail of Serbia: I guarantee you will fall in love at least twice a day everyday while you are there as the finnest women in Serbia flock there. Known to the locals as the ‘Romantic city’ its for sure is Serbia’s best kept secret (when EXIT festival is not on)
- Gypsies.. worst breed of people going around. Do NOT give them money. Little kids beg – get money – give to their parents – the parents buy cigarettes and alcohol. Seen it a million times
- Police bribes range from 20 Euros to 50 Euro, if they ask you for more give them 50 and tell them to call your lawyer.. they wont.
There you go kids, my travellers-only ultimate guide to Serbia. It really is a great place, I highly suggest a visit at least once in your life.. especially if you’re a guy. Anyway, as I mentioned before I’m back home just taking a little break from tennis but I’ll be back. If you have any questions or want to know more feel free to comment or email me!
(These are just my experiences: I am not responisble if something happens.. do not try this at home?)